Story Time

Sharing personal experiences is usually an act of analysis for me. I don't usually do it. I don't usually tell stories about my personal experiences, but when I do, you can be sure its something I have or am giving though too.

I'm going to aim to keep this short. If I wrote for long, it will get to me and then I won't finish the post.

I have a friend here, his name is (A). A has been my boy since back in Feb of last year.He's a cool guy, on the level, just chillin', bogged down by the same day-in-day-out issues as me, life for us is the same- we both miss home, work here, and want to get out as soon as we can, when finances permit it.

(A) has been my boy since we realised we're into the same shit. Music wise, fun-wise etc.etc. I can honestly say that he is a friend I have made that I can say is a friend, everyone else is a passer-by.

So a few weeks ago, perhaps about a month and a half ago, me and A got involved in something I can't really mention here, we got into it regularly. Use your imaginations, if you will.

We've been hanging out for the past few weeks at this one dude's house, who is cool but whom I don't know a lot. He's a person I know, chill with, but I wouldn't say I'm friends with him like I am with (A). This dude's house is really close to my house.

Yesterday, I called (A) all day. I mean, like every three hours to check onw hat he was upto. He knows me, I call a lot. We've had a chat about it too, where he's cussing on me for waking him up and I'm just laughing.

I called him all day. Later at night, around 10:30 I left the barber shop after a haircut and on myw alk home, decided to call (A) again. No response. Then, because the other dude's house is so close to mine, and because I hate calling people and disturbign them, especially since he's not one of my buddies, I swung past this guy's house to see if his balcony light was on, which it is when he is home. I swung by and the balcony light was off. So, I just kept walking straight to get to a convenience store at the edge of the street. As I am passing by this dude's building, I spy out of the corner of my eye (A)'s car. Sitting there, all dirty and shit with a wooden Quran hanging from the rearview mirroe. Unmistakably (A)'s car. THe thought process in my mind went as follows, he's not picking up his phone, but his car is here, so that means that even if somethign is wrong with his phone, the other dude is there with his own phone.

So at 10:48 I call the other dude. he promptly picks up. He tells me that he is not at home, is out with another guy (who is visiting him) for dinner and has not been in touch with (A) since 6pm, and if/when he catches upw ith him, he'll give me a call to tell me.

I listened to all that and said goodbye.

it doesn't hurt me that this other dude lied to me, it doesn't even hurt me that (A) was it his house when I wanted to be at his house with them, don't get it twisted, I ain't that childish. All I expected was honesty. Its the minimum I expect from my friends.

The worst thing is that (A) never picked up his phone and I was staring at his car. He enever came on the phone when the other dude spoke to me, with (A) by his side, and lied to me on (A)'s behalf.

I have a tendency to get angry. But over the years I have learnt how to handle/channel my anger. I didn't call that guy on his lie, though I easily could have. I don't evengive a shit about him. I wanted to speak to (A). So I walked about 200m away from the building and say on the back of a pick up truck keeping an eye on the front door of the guy's house and the only road leading out of his building. I sat there till 12:48pm.

I saw the other dude today. He seemed ashamed, he referred to lying 3 times during our brief conversation. He was more coversational, friendlier, all qualities that he does usually embody- meaning to me, that he feels bad. I didn't call him on it either,my only quarrel is with (A).
After I met this guy, I got a call from (A) just as I was sitting down to lunch with my fam. So I ignored it and let it go. I called (A) this evening at 6:30 and he said, "Sorry about last night, I was at my mom's all day."

What do I do, that is the question I keep asking myself. I want to tell (A) that I know, I know and I won't be played like a fool while you guys think you pulled one over me. At the same time, I don't want him to feel ashamed as a person of what he has done everytime I call him. Thats not my aim, either. I like him as a friend, and you know what, I too have done stupid shit in the past, stuff that has brought me dangerously close to losing a friendship.

But how do I trust someone (and I have to, keeping in mind what we are involved in) who lies just so he won't have to tell me that he doesn't want to hang out? Tell me on my face man, stop pussyfooting around. You don't like how I smell today, don't buy me a deodorant, tell me. You don't like my attitude, tell me. Just tell me on my face, be straight with it, cuz as far as I am concerened, thats what friends are for. Tell me I'm getting annoying and you'd just like some fuckign time off- I'd respect that much more than making someone else lie to make yourself feel better.

Having said all that, I can forgive people, too. Sometimes you're just in a funk and you say, fuck that I don't want to talk to that nigga, and a small decision snowballs to something which before you know it, comes back to bite you in the ass- causing pain to you and others. I know, its happened to me. I have been that person that made that insensitive split-second decision.

So there you have it, I have yet to talk to (A) face to face, and honestly I do not what I will say. I don't want to sound all feelingy/clingy but if I don't get this out of the way, it won't be good. As it is, I am a person very hard to gain respect from, once you have fallen from my graces.

That is my story from last night. Comment if you will, but I don't need kind words, or reassuring gestures. I'm stable enough to deal with this shit when it comes along, without gettign myself into a funk. I just get pissed when it happens, and this is one way to channel that frustration.