Obsession.

I hate crushes. When engaged in an obsession of a new love interest, my already apparent lack of producitvity continues to cut itself in half daily until my existence is reduced to a routine of checking my e-mail, followed by checking my voice mail, and in between, sitting on msn messenger until said crush comes online. Then, of course, when their screen name does make an appearance, the obvious course of action - talking to the person - does not play a role in my game. Nonono, I wouldn't want to look desperate. Let's wait until they talk to ME. I will sit on the computer for hours, playing solitaire and listening to songs that remind me of my new object of affection, while regularily opening the messanger program to confirm that they're still online. Sometimes I'll quickly go offline, then back on again, just to remind them that I'm still here, and that I'm available to talk to. When I finally get bored enough of the waiting game to leave the computer, I set my status to 'away', so I can still be reached, but I will leave a message implying that I am still accepting messages, despite not currently being in the room. Then, if glory of all glories, during this charade, The Crush actually chooses to message me, my excitment tends to get the better of me. I just totally fucking lose my cool (yes, there is still some cool in me left to be lost over the internet), and can't think of anything interesting to say.

Crush: "Hey, what's up?"
Me: "Not much. How are you?"
Crush: "I'm alright."
Me: "Awesome. So uhhh, what are you up to today?"
Crush: "Not much. You?"
Me: "Not much."
?!?!?!? NOW WHAT?!!?!?
Me: "Uhh, yeah. I was just about to go out. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
Crush: "Okay, later."

Then, I turn my messenger to "appear offline" and try to go surf the internet, or watch tv, or find something else I can do half assed for the next few hours, until I feel that I am ready to make another appearance. Then, of course, I only have to hope that he's still online. In which case, I can tell her about all the awesome made-up stuff that I did when I was out, and maybe coolly suggest that she join me next time.

How about that for desperation?