My conscience and I

Damn. Damn. Damn. I hate my conscience. It chooses to speak up at the worst moments.

Let me retrace my steps for the last few days and explain to you all what my mind has made me (most specifically, my fickle heart) go through.

Sometime last week, I walked into the Apple dealers store and looked quite closely at a Macbook. My mind was made up, I wanted it. I got the costs, was comfortable with them and the only reason I did not pay at that time was because I wanted to actually use it for a few minutes before making the final decision. This was impossible because they had no in-store piece available, I had just been looking quite closely at a 2 dimensional picture of the laptop. I walked out convinced that I wanted the laptop, totally at peace with my decision, my heart skipping a beat everytime I saw something white just because it reminded me of my laptop to be. My conscience stayed silent.

Then, three days ago, my parents decided they want to go to Dubai and asked me to string along. I thought, awesome. I can buy a MAC from Dubai. Better price, better deals. Awesome. heart skipped a few more beats. I called Dubai only to find out that the prices at the official dealers were actually higher than here. So the plan to go to Dubai, at least for me was immediately scrapped. My conscience had spoken up, or perhaps it is the fact that being close to 25 years of age, I have started to know myself all too well. I am a shopaholic, and if I go to Dubai just because, it would mean oodles of shopping and a tie collection comfortably into three digits. As soon as I found out, I told my parents that I was sorry but I couldn't go. Better sit on my money, than waste it on hats, and books. I hated typing that out, but adulthood comes with a painful price.

Then, last night someone told me that there is a massive exhibition in Dubai from Nov 18-21- an exhibition that sees the price of all IT products slashed by at least 1500 Qatari Riyals. Guaranteed. They said I should go at that time and that I would find a great price and a great product. My heart skipped a beat again. Thoughts of a Sony camera I have had my eye on also came rushing to mind. So did the notion that I actually have a free ticket at home waiting for me to use on a trip to Dubai. All this together was enough to send me on a frenzy contemplating expenses of up to 10,000 Dirhams buying new technology which I am a sucker for. This would have left me with just one thing I want to buy, another Ipod to replace my withered Ipod Mini. My conscience stayed silent.

I got home, totally pumped. I did some calculations and figured out how much cash I would have for the trip. For about an hour I was just fine. I had a free ticket to Dubai. I would go alone, buy a camera first, go crazy with some photography and then I would buy a laptop and return home to my squalid existence, perfectly happy with what I had done.

Then my conscience spoke up. It said things to me, reminded of things that were approaching fast, like my mom and dad's birthdays, my birthday, and a trip home. It told me my credit card was in a dismal state. It said things to me that were true, and I listened. Stupid nut that I am. So now, I am not buying a laptop. I am not buying a camera. And I am still two expensive products away from an Ipod.

I hate my conscience, and I think it feels the same about me. This my friends, is the weekly ordeal of any shopaholic who is not a trophy wife.