A certain movie poster for Trainpsotting comes to mind now that I have written out this post.

Some times I feel my mind going numb in this country. I am bored. A lack of friends, activities, money and even imagination has left me here. There is no access to books here, there is no live music to be found, no ethnically diverse places to eat, check out or even visit - its a dead city which just has the bare minimum of what you would come to expect in a burgeoning Middle Eastern city.

In many ways this city has not changed for a decade. Sure, more buildings have gone up, more businesses have popped up, but there is no life here, its a block of cement in the middle of. But this is no refreshing oasis, rather its a trap of quicksand, luring you from afar but sucking you in slowly till you find yourself flailing away at nothing just to define your own existence. This is something I have come to realise, come to understand but only through being here. I remember when I used to talk about this place to my friends, it sounded glamorous even to me. But its not glamorous. Everyone is here to make money, not to make a home, not to live their life - only to make money, and it sucks because I have never lived my life that way, neither do I want to.

To counter this growing sense of unease and boredom, I've downloaded mp3s of audiobooks. I've even downloaded a few dissertation papers on various political issues just to so I won't lost touch with reality like many of thsoe around me. I hate sounding elitist, but what can I do? I have to keep reminding myself to stay abreast, keep up what I used to love in Canada- lest I become a drone like most others in this land. Wake up, brush teeth, put on a tie, go to work. Come home, make food, watch mind numbign tv and go to sleep. Nay, I CHOOSE Life. I choose to live. To live my life, doing things I have always loved.

The BBC, The Guardian, Le Monde Diplomatique- all these websites have become my haunts. They always have been everyday stops, but now I find myself oggling every story. From the science section to the technology section, from the stories about Eriteria to the tales of post olympic economic woes in Greece- I am trying to keep abreast. I continue to read, just so I won't fall into the trap that I see being built around me. Boredom leads to stupid things- watching American Idol, Dr. Phil, Indian Idol, stuff that just numbs you out. One day you wake up and realise how much time you have wasted, how much you have withered away from just being bored. I don't want to be that person. So, I'm fighting it in my own way. I don't know what writing about it will do for me, perhaps this is just a written note to myself- a promise that I will not give up on my own potential not matter what the situation around me.

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This just happens to be post# 600 on this blog. Its been 4 years.. wow.
*pats himself on the back*