An Open Letter to Salman Rushdie

Dear Salman,

You are a fool. Why did you have to go and publish Satanic Verses? You are now banned everywhere. Just the mere mention of your name results in gasps and wierrd looks. Granted, those giving e the looks are also fools; they've never read any of your books much less Satanic Verses, which by the way was a stellar effort in fictional literature.

Nevertheless, it was a mistake that has cost your fans dearly; since its publication in the 1980s, you have been banned in most Muslim countries. I have searched for your books in three major cities now whith absolutely no luck. Dubai, Doha and Karacxhi are all devoid of Rushdie, not one book is listed here, in fact I've been told that if I snoop around for you too much I'll actually get beaten up.I have had three arguments with my own relatives who belive I am wrong in my admiration of you, that I shall suffer the annals of hell for having loved your woreks, indeed for having read your work. My own cousin, a guy two years elder to me looked me dead straight in the eyes and told me that if I was a random guy on the street, he'd have slapped me senseless. Its sad, really. What makes it even more concerning is that people are willing to belive others so blindly. None of tehse pople have ever read your books, and nor do they intend to.

I am dying to read Shalimar the Clown but I fear it may be June 2006 before I get a chance to buy the book. Regrettable, but I had no money when the book came out, and cafe au laits in Paris don't come cheap. Also, while we're talking about potential Satanic Verses fallouts, do you realise you are the only living author deserving of the Nobel Prize for litearature? You'll never get it though, the Swedes would never piss of the Muslims so grievously.

You shoulds go to your room and really think about what you did all those years ago- you put fans of your work, like me, in saerious shortage of your work. I shudder when I think of the lives some of these learned people live without ever having cracked a Rushdie novel or without having to stop reading on the first page of a new novel because they have been bamboozled by the the concept Quetzalcoatl..

In closing, you are cool. Numerous phrases from Wayne's World come to mind. However, what i meant to convey in this letter above all is that you are also a fool.

in loving reproach,
Uzi