Medical Emergency

Me: I'd like an urgent appointment with the new doctor, Dr Beany, please.

Reception: I'm afraid she's not available until Wednesday, October 15th. I can get you in with Dr. Johnson or Dr. Marsden for tomorrow?

Me: Hmm, no. I'll take the 15th October slot, thanks.

Rec: Name, please?

Me: Mohammad. Uzair Mohammad.

Rec: Ah, Mr Mohammad. Hmm. I'm afraid I can't give you that appointment, because you already have 37 appointments booked with Dr Beany. And you've had a further 12 in the last eight days – for, let me see, 'having some orangeade smeared around your upper lip', 'having something stuck to the front of your trousers', 'reversing your car over a biscuit’, ‘breaking two chocolate fingers’ and ‘feeling a little bit silly’. Mr Mohammad, I’m not medically qualified, but…
Me: Hurts…

Rec: …But, ‘wanting to have your soul removed’ is not medically possible.

Me: Hmm, well my brother had his ego out. Without anaesthetic.

Rec: Mr Mohammad, would these ludicrous appointments have anything to do with Dr Beany's former career in the glamour industry?

Me: No, no, no, no. Well, maybe a bit.