Identity Inevitabilities

When you have a bin liner full of important bank, school and insurance-related documents that you are looking for an opportunity to burn, bonfire night will come around. You will then place the documents on a convenient fire. It will then rain, though, and, the following day, the unharmed literature will be scattered to the four winds. As a result, your identity will be partially assumed by one of the Abyssinian terrorists living with full government consent in your summerhouse, and your already-dead grandmother will be groomed and killed by the Russian government.