Death @ 2:21 am

Two mintes ago.. while i lay in bed trying to go to sleep.. my heart skipped a beat.. and i started thinking of death for some reason.. specifically my death..

what if i am to die as soon as i close my eyes? what if this is to be my last and final sleep ever? what if... i never wake up?

i just finished praying to Allah for the first time in years... how sad is it that the thot of my own death has led me to prayer.. however pathetic a prayer it was...

I want to cry right now.. but my eyes are as dry as they can be... a sense of fear has enveloped me.. i have tried but am failing to close my eyes.. for fear that i might never open them again... i desperately want to hold someone right now.. someone i know and trust ... someone that can tell me that i won't die...

i know this sounds childish and pathetic.. and i'll probably read this tomorrow and wonder what i was thinking.. but.. i am truly afraid and scared right now.. i have never felt this kind of fear before..

i don't even know how to end this post..

Oh my lord... if i should die before i wake.. i pray my soul for you to take.. amen!